Finding Connection

This is hard to admit, because admitting you like things leaves both you, and the thing you like subject to ridicule when you are dealing with Cluster B personalities, and then well you know the cycle it triggers your PTSD reaction, you shut down. Which is exactly the reaction your cluster b person was hoping for, because only their opinion matters, and only they can like a new thing. Remember it is always about them, or their self esteem is so badly damaged they need to destroy someone else.

So here it is, OK GO is one of my favorite bands ever. I love the pop music dancefest style. I love the lyrics. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE, the nerdiness of their onetake style of music videos. Even if they aren't actually done in one take.  A great example, and the song that turned me onto the band is right here.

However it should be noted that it wasn't actually all done in one camera, because robots aren't fast enough to pull that off yet. So they used a series of robots and cameras, and made it a single simultaneous series of actions and explosions with three robots and cameras connected together to look like one camera, one take. Well I suppose it is one take, but not one camera. Here is a link to the making of, because almost every video they do has a behind the scenes video.

So as you know I like using video and recipes in my "Cookbook", and I like a good setup. So that's clearly the setup for today. And lately I have been pulling "friendship" and "intimacy" from some of the people on YouTube that I follow, from Facebook, and from other social media connections. However, (and I won't say I am done with that, because progress is not a straight upward line, it's a journey), I have found them hollow.  I have learned the less money I have in the bank, the more anxiety I have, it doesn't matter if my bills are paid or not, it's just a massive anxiety trigger for me. So as much as becoming a real person and not a business scares me, I am starting a new account for my business in January. Why wait til January, taxes silly, why else?

That way I have a distance between me, and my real life, and my business. Maybe build in a padding so I don't get so anxious. I also started looking to work for someone else. Who knows if it will work, or if I will find a good fit in a firm, but I need more connection than I have.

I have also started being intentional about connection. I built a huge skillset as a survival mechanism. Of course I planned the skillset so that I wouldn't need people anymore. Yeah that was a failure. It seems that with my current career, leaving behind all of civilization and walking into the woods forever isn't a real thing I can do.  Life Sucks, what can you do.

Where was I? Oh yeah OK Go so here is how all this comes together. Does Ok Go create all of their amazing nerdy mathtastic, precision, accurate one take videos by themselves? Nope, the video above was sponsored by Morton Salt. They do it by reaching outside of themselves and finding other with different skillsets.

I've been involved in a few movies, and audio projects since I got back to doing this. And these are massive collaborative projects. The business plan is done in connection with me, and a team of about 5-6 people, a couple of producers, the money, the project creator, the script writer, the script editor, etc. The budget same thing, a whole team of people is involved. This is a simple business project.

People fail when they try to do everything themselves. And sure after enough failure you become good at things. (If you don't believe me, just ask any good saxophone players mom or dad.) I still wish I had taken the clarinet and not the trumpet, no forward thinking at eight years old, oh well. I digress.

So at this point I have put people in my life whose job it is to tell me no. I am consciously developing mentors, I may never have had a real dad, and I may never have one. I do have people who are more experienced than me in areas who can help me with things. I need to invest in them, and allow them to invest in me. And the first step in that involves sometimes asking them for help. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And I have to be ok with that.

So you start by asking someone you trust, for me it was my pastor. And start connecting with that person, text if they are into that, (sometimes older people can be dodgey when it comes to text, accommodate their needs), email if needed, definitely meet in person, meet their needs. Find ways to be with them, even if you help them move. (Speaking of got a weird call today from someone I am going to consider a friend, I mentioned that I was moving my stuff into my unit and out of storage. She offered to help me move. Yeah that is definitely a friend.) {Meghann you are awesome girl, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, of course you're moving too next month, and I have less stuff... Wait, IT'S A TRAP!!!!}

Where was I? Yeah so find ways to be with mentors. And also find ways to connect with people who maybe can't help you, but whom you can help. {Yeah that's right I said whom, I know when to use it. ;-P} It's not a one way connection. You have to give it away. Yes it's scary. It's downright horrifying, when all you know is betrayal. When everyone you love is looking for the opportunity, and blam, backstab. However it is necessary, we were made for connection. I don't know where you are in the cycle of recovery. Maybe you need the safety of relying on yourself for a while. That's ok.

Don't stay there. There is a Jewish Proverb that says "He who goes too far alone, goes mad." And that has certainly been true for me. In fact this post was going to be about "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them," and why I don't think you should watch that movie. #triggered Ok not seriously, but seriously, there is child abuse depicted offscreen in this movie. So keep that in mind.

Find connection with people around you. Start slowly with a few people, and build out from there. Don't expect to build a new life overnight.

The Party Starter Fondue

cook large beef bones, in one part water, and one part dry red wine
With a whole onion, clove of celery
(Yes the whole thing of celery)
and 8 carrots
Simmer overnight
In the morning strain the liquid.
(You are keeping the liquid, you can freeze the rest for a soup later if you like. That's what I do.)

Cut chicken, fish, steak, lamb, whatever meat you want into short strips

Saute bacon with a whole chopped onion
3-4 cloves of garlic chopped saute with bacon and onion
Once complete add the bacon bits, garlic, and onion to your stock
To this add Fresh rosemary, fresh Thyme, Bay leaves, and a whole sprig of parsley
Cook the herbs and liquid for 30-40 minutes depending on your method. (Sterno will take forever to heat up the liquid, and depending on your crock pot, it may be better to get it to temperature on the stove.)

Invite friends, (have them bring raw vegetables) and cook with a package of those wood skewers if you don't have fondue forks.

Now you may be wondering how you are supposed to keep this hot. In the living room, or where ever you want your guests to be. There are a couple of ways to do that. I like to use sterno, and light it right on a coffee table, and use a couple of bricks on each side to keep the quart saucepan hot, and above the flame. You could have everyone gather in the kitchen, but that's not very practical. Or you could use a crockpot.

Once I get settled into my new place I am having a housewarming, and I am doing a full Fondue layout. I love fondue. If you are interested in it, I can put my fondue recipes in the Cookbook in a future post. I actually have a few new posts I am working on, let me know what recipes you want to see me master, or bump up and out in the comments section.

Good journey my friend.

Going Grey Rock, or Secrets are How I Survive

There is a term in recovery circles, specifically related to dealing with narcissists, and other sociopaths, called grey rock. I recently found myself living with family. I am tempted to employ cognitive dissonance, and say they aren't bad people. Because the truth is they are products of their environment. They became the best version they could under horrific circumstances. But neither can I say that they are all good people. They behave very badly as all humans do, some worse than others. What I will say is that they are living the only way they know how. I can lead them to water. I can recommend therapy, but you can't make someone who isn't willing get help. Not even with a court order. I know, I am a lawyer remember?

I don't know where you are in your journey, or how much you have followed and read on narcissism or other cluster B disorders, so I am going to use a few terms for shorthand. There are other blogs that go into more detail, and I may do that later, but this isn't the time for that.

Grey Rock: by its nature it is invisible, because, BECAUSE it is so boring. There is no reason to pay any attention to it at all. It gets ignored. It becomes invisible.

Cognitive Dissonance: Knowing something isn't true, but having no alternative, but to believe it as a matter of self preservation. Any child who grew up with any kind of narcissistic or other abuse will, or should understand this. You defend your family, and fight to preserve the family structure as a matter of survival, and tell yourself that it isn't so bad. Even though you are afraid, you tell other people they are inherently good. Deep, deep down you know it isn't true, but you have to separate yourself from them before you can accept the truth of what is.

Stockholm Syndrome: Where a person relates to, and even defends captors, in order to survive. It becomes Stockholm syndrome, when you actually start to believe your own lies. You believe they are true. Children in abusive households often have this. Because children are dependent on their parents for survival. When the parent is the one harming you, there is no safety anymore, for a child this is a level of terror you have to live in order to understand. Safety doesn't exist, and children understand their own vulnerability at a certain point. This is usually reinforced by the abuser when they blame the victim of abuse, for the abuse. This may be reinforced by a non-protective partner of the abuser. In my case, my mother. While she is an inverted narcissist, (dependent on narcissists for her own self esteem), she was not generally the one doing the beating. Instead she made excuses for the abuser.

Flying Monkey: They do the bidding of the narcissist, much like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz movie did the bidding of the wicked witch. They may be weak. They may be narcissists themselves, or they may just be duped. In any case, they assist the narcissist, and take up their cause, whatever it may be.

NMirror: This is the person the narcissist focuses their true self loathing on. Everything they hate about themselves that is too much to bear is projected onto the mirror. This person can do nothing right, eat, talk, stand, sit, breathe, literally nothing.They literally train you to stop living yourself, and let them do everything for you, make all your decisions for you. Of course if things still don't go well it's still your fault.

So at some point I figured out that the more boring I became, the less abuse I suffered, mentally. Physically it was a crapshoot. If food went bad, I was supposed to know a loaf of bread that was just bought was moldy, for instance. If I didn't, face meet wall. It was a personal failing that I couldn't magically know it was already bad. he hit me so hard I bled at times, which made a mess I had to clean up, because I failed at bleeding, but enough about me. Beatings were often, arbitrary, and sometimes completely random.

Remember narcissists thrive by creating drama in other people's lives. And the NMirror suffers most of all. There are two ways to limit this. One is to disappear, you are simply gone, as far as the narc is concerned you don't exist anymore. This is when flying monkeys usually come in, get information, and try and convince you that the narc really should be a part of your life. After all they are your father, mother, former lover, baby daddy mamma, etc.

If you are being told this, trust me, don't do it. It isn't worth it. Once you have the strength to cut off that contact, keep it that way. If your narc is an adult, they are responsible for their own life choices. You are not responsible for their life choices. It is hard as empathic people to look an ailing adult parent in the eyes, when they tell you they need someone to take care of them, and tell them to find a home. It makes it a little easier in my experience when you tell them you will help them find a home. I have helped many clients find this strength. But allowing a person like that back into your life after you had the courage to escape is a mistake. (This is a discussion I have with my mother all the time. She says, "Who will take care of me when I am old." I tell her that "I will make sure she goes into a nice home.")

My mother encouraged me to reconcile with my father after he left us. I was 18. I no longer needed to depend on him. I had my own job at that point. I could walk away. He spent the few hours we were together showing off his new life, telling me how great he was, and continually belittling me, and the choices I made for my own life. I decided I didn't need his influence. My biological father sent me a letter when I suggested we could have a relationship, informing me that he had moved on and didn't want to be part of my life. He put this in writing. So from the time I was 18, I have not had a father. You know what? I haven't missed it. I know, I know healthy people reading this think, "More's the pity", perhaps, in my situation this was better. Also don't pity me!

The other method is called "grey rock". My life is not a topic of discussion in my family. I don't post personal things about my life on Facebook. I tell them nothing. I don't lie to them. I simply don't say anything to them about who I am, where I go, or what I do. Since any decision I make is often wrong anyway I see no point to discussing it. I took singing lessons, my mother found out. She wanted to know why. Not was I enjoying myself, or did it make me happy, but why? As if this was a personal insult to her. I told her I wanted to learn to sing better. Of course again she wanted to know why? I replied because I do, and then asked her about her life.

This is the grey rock. If I am brought up, or anything I am doing is discussed the answer is some version of because, or it makes me happy, (although if I say it makes me happy, she will say she thinks it is stupid.) If she continues to press the matter I tell her "I don't care. I love you, and I have to go." Then only way to maintain even a short discussion with me is to talk about herself, or other people. Any discussion about me is diverted, or I respond I don't care. And the truth is, I don't care. I have learned to accept that my parents don't love me, because they aren't capable of it. It doesn't matter if I became the pope, unless it benefits them, it is stupid, and not something I should pursue.

The greatest hubris, as far as narcissists are concerned, is that I would dare have opinions about anything that differs from them. After all they love me, so of course they want the best for me. And they know what is best for me, because obviously I can't make decisions for myself. So at this point, my life is "good, and you?", "fine, and you?", or "not much, tell me about yourself?" I became a grey rock. No matter what they accuse me of, no matter how vile it may be, I do not react. I have no life, only my work, and turn the conversation back to them. You can't react. Reaction feeds them. I choose to let them starve.

I survive because I am invisible. But humans were never meant to live this way. Humans thrive on connection. Some connections are toxic, like the ever sick friend who shares the current disease du jour, some connections aren't worth making. I cannot connect with some members of my blood family on that level, worse that I would dare connect with others who aren't blood or otherwise connected to them is not only unfathomable, but repulsive ... to them. It will always bother them that I don't connect with them, but I am not responsible for how they feel.

I am getting back to some semblance of a real adult life, until I can make a life unrelated to all this madness. Once I no longer need to be a grey rock, but I am maintaining for now. I am working on that, and having some success, not enough, but some. Progress is progress after all.

Currently cutting out white carbs, and starting to work out again. So no recipe unless I think of something in the next few days. It's been awhile since I posted, and this one has been lingering for too long in the drafts folder.

Good journey my friend.

Walking the World Alone

One of the hardest things to deal with after abuse, especially the abuse of a narcissist, is being alone. Humans were made for connection, but a narcissist fears your connection with others. This leads them to convincing you, that you cannot connect with others.

It's a one two punch. One they convince you, you aren't worthy of that connection, because you are a reflection of everything they hate about themselves. And that person, the narcissist's true self, isn't worthy of human connection. (This is especially true for children of narcissistic abuse. Because even after they are gone, it is your parent's voice you hear in your head. What they told you, becomes what you tell yourself.) Two trust feels out of place. Even after you heal, trust becomes something best reserved for children and fools.

Your parent, lover, spouse, perhaps all of them, abused you. What does this tell you about love? That you aren't worthy of it, or worse that love is abuse, and abuse is love. Your own parent/lover/spouse couldn't love you. The one person who was supposed to protect you, instead hated you so much, they abused you, neglected you, tortured you. These are not things you do to someone you love. But that is what we know. That is how we learn to relate to the world.

In response trust falls. If it continues long enough, trust can die. You expect people who claim to love you, will mistreat you. Maybe you end up in other abusive relationships with spouses or business colleagues, maybe you shut everyone out, maybe you are just emotionally frigid, maybe you simply present a facade in public, friendly but distant. Some people learn to accept narcissists and a narcissistic version of love as normal, an inverted narcissist. They depend on those few moments when a narcissist gives them "love" and compliments to get the needs of the narcissist met. You believe this is all you will ever get. This is all you are worth, or worse, you aren't even worthy of this. You are lucky to have someone, anyone, who will express any level of care for you, no matter how small, possessive, or pathetic it may be. That isn't true. I was there. It's not true for you. IT'S NOT!

And, now this is the hard part for me, because I still struggle with this. I do not believe I am worthy of being loved. Fortunately for me I am useful, so people use me. And since I am healing, I say no if I am not getting enough out of the transaction. But I don't expect love, I expect transactions. "Everything has a price." - Alistair Crowley, known for being a brilliant occultist and Satanist said that; I often add, "and it's rarely money." It has become what I expect from everyone, and everything, the price. I decide whether I am willing to pay the price to comply with their request. If I am not, I say no. It's not really a life motto, but it seems like it is always true. Love doesn't feel real. I experience an endless string of transactions, but without trust, it's all very hollow. It fills my wallet perhaps, but not my soul.

I am still healing, you are worth so much more. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated with dignity, and respect. Respect for your person, your heart, your soul. There has never been anyone like you in the world, and there will never be anyone like you again. I don't know you, but I can tell you it is true for you. I wish I could say I believed it about myself, today. I wish I could smile all the time without faking it. I wish I could put my arms around you without fearing that touching you would hurt me, or that I am so badly contaminated that me touching you would contaminate you. I wish I could believe this about myself, but today I do not. Maybe I will tomorrow. You can walk the world alone, just as I have chosen to do. I know if I can do it, anyone can. Sometimes you have to do that for a while. The real key is knowing when, and whom to let in, because we cannot walk the world alone forever. We aren't made that way.

Trust me though when I say this soup will clear out a room, well the after effects anyway. Sometimes that is just what you need to do.

Cheap Bean Soup
1 Large Can of Chick Peas, or other bean of your choice
1 pound of carrots trimmed and sliced
1 pound of celery chopped
2 medium onions chopped or minced to preference.
1 large container (64 ounces) of salsa (I prefer the hot stuff, especially when I am frustrated, the pain causes your body to release endorphins, natural feel good chemicals)

You can add meat if you like, the chick peas give you the needed protein. Carrots give you needed carbohydrates and vitamins without needing to spike your blood sugar. Celery gives it a nice salty punch, and the salsa and onions round it out.

Then just throw it all in the pot and let it simmer. This is a great crock pot recipe, put in in the morning before leaving for work, then let it cook on low until you get home. If you cook it on the stove remember you may need to stir it occasionally, between movies on Netflix, or shows that you watch alone. Because hey, you don't need anyone. Sure you are alone, and sometimes it hurts to be alone, (hence the spicy salsa), but you are worthy of the best, and until you find good people worth hanging out with you can let go of the jerks, the users, and the narcissists. You don't owe them anything. Let them fend for themselves, even if that means you have to be alone for a time. Sometimes life is better enjoyed alone, than with people who make you feel alone.

Good Journey my friend.

Hello Again, And Finnegan Begin Again

Well I'm not sure how this will go. I may lose my old audience, but that's ok. If my work is no longer interesting or helpful to you, then good journey. If our paths cross again, I will wish you the same.
I am changing this blog to be more intensely about recovering from childhood abuse.

In my case it was mental, physical, and though I don't consider it abuse, so much as an assault, I was also raped on one occasion. Now people tell me admitting this is brave. And I guess it is. But not because no one else out there deals with stuff like this. In fact, in much of my experience, everyone deals with trauma, though it varies in severity, degree, and how often. No the bravery comes in facing it. The bravery comes in telling the truth. Because everyone else wants me to be ashamed of this.

Now this isn't something they would admit to. No, they are not monsters, at least on the surface. But underneath, everyone wants the truth buried deep. And when one person admits these truths, it encourages others to admit theirs. Not everyone is prepared to admit, to heal. Because healing hurts. I won't lie to you. It hurts like hell. So instead, people want these truths to stay hidden. Stay buried. "It doesn't matter. You can't change the past. It's over now." They say, and brush the pain under the rug, as if it never existed in the first place.

But the problem with this is, the pain still exists. Sure left alone it will eventually scar over. Except you will then end up with changed, and somewhat defective behaviors based on your subconscious reactions to your past pain. We call it many things, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Personality Disorder, Depression, Bipolar, etc. You are set up to remain in unhealthy relationships with abusive people. It is not unlike someone suffering from severe trauma. The body compensates. But it does so to the detriment of other parts, until eventually you are twisted, and the beautiful creation is distorted, and broken. This is as true of mental trauma, as it is of physical trauma. We all know one person affected by this. And we all know that both physical trauma, and mental trauma twist the body, and mind. Left untreated, with therapy of some shape or form, we are deformed, mentally or physically.

Child Abuse and Mental Illness

So this is my therapy, since I can't afford a therapist right now.

Good Journey My Friend.

On Depression Hope, And Seeing Past My Nose

I struggle with hope. I gave it up for several years. And it is not as hard as you think, you just remind yourself constantly that hope leads to failure and pretty soon you rely only on optimism, a belief that you can in the now, and self efficacy the knowledge and reliance on past performance.

Then I read an article about how truly successful people hope. Big deal, yes. You see the crucial difference between optimism, and self efficacy is a belief based on nothing, that you can do it, because you believe in you. Not in your past, not in your current abilities, not in anything from anywhere. It says you are good enough, you are smart enough, and you have enough connections to build whatever it is.

It says I can do the impossible, even when there is no bright side to look to, even when all seems lost. Hope remains because you are still part of the system. Because you believe, you can. That's not easy to reacquire once you give it up.

A few years ago I was killing myself. Everyday I would take a little bit more of my medication with the idea that it would reach a tipping point, and I would have an accidental overdose.  Thankfully that's not how the medication I was taking works. (For reference it's a popular anti anxiety med, the specifics beyond that don't matter.) Unaware of this I decided one day that maybe it was within my power to change my life.  It was a single jab from Hope.

"Hey," she said. "Hey, you, don't like you life, you change it."  She then smacked me with the stick and said, "Aiyah, you genius, you find way. You better than this." 

For some reason Hope to me is a smiling stooped over old Chinese-American woman, but there you go.  I went in for counseling for several years.  I am working on "keeping Hope Alive!", as it were. I have found this is a challenge as long as my focus is on death.

Instead Hope looks to the future. She pokes you with her umbrella, and points you forward, until you get up and move on, just so she stops poking you.

I don't try and go too far at first. But Hope keeps on poking me.

"Aiyah, keep moving." Hope says.

"I am tired." I say.

Hope doesn't care. She just keeps poking you, in that way old people can be so persistent. Somedays I try and look back. And I get a call from an old friend who is also struggling with depression. We commiserate, and I feel a little better. I realize that I am not alone. We make plans for coffee.

It's not much to you maybe, but it is to me. It gives me the strength I need to get back to work. To see past my own nose, and help someone else with their problems. Because that is what depression does, it keeps you from seeing past your own nose.

"Aiyah, I told you, it get better. You see."  Hope says, and she smiles just a little wider, and smacks me again for good measure. "You keep moving." And I do, if only to stay out of reach of her umbrella. That thing hurts.

Good Journey my friend.

What if I Believed God Loved Me

It's an off day, and this kinda came to me. So while the format is off, and it's not my usual day. I'm feeling generous with my writing, there's no reason to pay. (It won't stop. Let's hope it doesn't flop.) UGH!!!!
Just for one day, what if God loved me.

Not in the way He loves everyone

Would He still have mercy, if only I believe

If I took it to heart, the matter was done.

Would I live different, if I really believed

Would I look at my brother with a change of heart

Would my actions be different, what could I achieve

Would I lift people up, instead of tearing them apart

This kind of thought is intemperate to be sure

It's not modern or slick, or sophisticated, or cool

It's not the way to get ahead, the nom du jur

But just for one day could I capture that jewel?

Could I really believe God's love was for me

Would I change, could I change

How would I be

What things in my day would I rearrange

Such thoughts are for Sundays, Pastors, and Missionares

I'm busy with life, with my job and family

My everyday life is too full of cares

I just don't have time, so I can't believe

Not even for one day.

A Solution to Depression and Anxiety

I suffer from depression. It has been a struggle my whole life. Lately, it has been accompanied by crippling anxiety. Monday I wasn't able to leave my apartment. I didn't take phone calls. I didn't return texts, or check my emails.

I watch and read on this issue as much as I can. I focus on how I can get better. I have tried the drugs, but they leave me an emotional zombie. I don't feel anything, and I don't think that is a path to wellness. It is a path to making a drug company rich, but not to wellness. I know they really help some people. I am not knocking drugs, if they work for you fabulous. They don't work for me.

Now in my study I learned that connection is the answer. While depression and anxiety tend toward personal disconnection, it is in finding connection that people get better. One of my goals for this year is to really connect. For personal reasons in my job, and other factors in my life, I have been disconnecting on a universal scale.

Colleagues are useful, and good to have, however it is not the same as a real connection with a friend. Due to a variety of factors the one friend I had that was also a colleague got a dream job. All of this led to feeling adrift, and alone. Matters only got worse when I lost my job.

Depression and Anxiety are not logical. In fact they are absurd. It is absurd that someone who communicates for a living finds it so hard in "real life." It is absurd that someone who has a doctoral level degree and almost 10 years of experience in a communications field, finds real communication so challenging. Let alone the thought of leaving my apartment makes me vomit on my worst days. It doesn't make sense. I know that. But knowing that, and feeling differently about it are two different things.  Spending hours on esoteric questions, that I can't do anything about is pointless. I am aware of that. Again, it doesn't help knowing it.

As you can imagine with my background I don't trust easily. However I am a man of solutions. If connection is the answer then that is my goal. I have no way of knowing if I am doing this right. My plan is to mentor one person, and find a mentor. Additionally it is to really connect by the end of the year with people I have known for at least five years who proved themselves worthy of trust. 

Facebook doesn't count, because people on the internet spend so much time pretending to be someone else, the connections aren't real. It is only in real life, that we can find the types of connections that allow us to know and be known. And it is in these real connections that we find the solution to depression and anxiety.

Since I find writing very cathartic, I am working on writing more blog posts, and shorter ones, with less time spent on adding photos and videos, and a slightly different format. I recently outlined a script with a suicidal main character. It's sort of a rom com without the rom, because that doesn't happen for everyone, and rom coms are so full of lies that too many people believe already.

I am also looking for my readers to submit some of their healthy recipes for the cookbook, so this post doesn't have a recipe. Because I would like to include some of your recipes. I know you read these posts, because when I meet you in person you tell me how much they mean to you. So I want to include you in the conversation. I want you to connect with me, and with each other.

It is in the connections that life gets its meaning. This is why love is something so many people spend so much of their time searching for everywhere. I remind myself everyday that I have good friends, and while I may be single I am not alone in the world.

Good journey my friend.